ParentsTalk: Experts' Advice: Just For You: Child Time and Adult Time

"Billy and I were supposed to be doing this project together," a father says. "But ten minutes after we started, he was outside playing with his friends and I was left doing it all alone. How can I spend time with him if he isn't interested?"

Don't assume that just because a child can't sustain interest in a project he doesn't get anything out of the experience. It's not necessary for him or her to see the project through. Children operate according to "child time," not adult time. It's hard for them to stay focused on one task for too long.

If your children's attention wanders that doesn't mean they're not interested. It doesn't mean they're abandoning you. Children have a short attention span. Take a break. Continue the project later or another day. Don't place adult expectations on children. They'll always fail. The goal of the project should be to do something together and to have the child feel a sense of participation. If you achieve that, the project is a success.

Even when schedules won't permit us to give children long periods of uninterrupted time we can help alleviate this sense of urgency by helping the child get involved with long-term projects. Long-term activities teach children volumes about perseverance, planning and patience. Of course "long-term" means different things at different ages. To a 6-month-old, piling three blocks atop one another may be long enough. For a 3-year-old, it may mean sitting through an entire Dr. Seuss book.

When children reach the age of 5 or 6, however, they're usually ready for activities that extend beyond the here and now. For example, you can start looking for longer books and reading them a chapter a night before bedtime. A child can help participate in a building project whether it's a doll house or model train setup—going to the store to get materials, bringing them home, putting it together and helping with the final decorations over several weeks.

These sorts of activities help counter the television mentality in which all problems are solved and everything is neatly wrapped up by the time the program ends. It teaches children that some things take time but they are worth it. That's a valuable lesson that will encourage them later on to take on things that might otherwise seem too daunting—whether it's reading a first novel or learning to catch a ball.

Who did projects with you when you were a child?
Did projects get finished when you were a child?
Were they fun for you? Why? Why not?
What did you learn from them?
What projects would you like to do with your child? At what ages?
What are your expectations from doing a project with your child? What are your child's expectations?
How can your child be involved in the project?
What skills would you like to teach your child?

Make sure it's something you and your child want to do.
Set realistic goals. Take into account your child's age, skill level, attention span.
Discuss what you expect from each other.
Find ways to help your child be involved.
Make a schedule if it will take more than one session.