"Now let's talk
about your friend, Dianne. I can understand that when she says an unkind thing
it bothers you. Have you tried to talk to Dianne? Have you asked her why she says
mean things?"
"No, I just keep quiet,"
replies Penny, "but sometimes I feel so angry, I could scream."
"I see," says Aunt Rose.
"Holding things in until you explode is not healthy. There are good ways and bad
ways: A bad way would be to hit someone or throw something. A good way would be
to talk to someone with whom you are angry using 'I' statements. Do you understand?"
Aunt Rose asks.
Penny answers, "I think
I understand. Instead of saying, 'You make me mad when you say mean things to
me,' I should say, 'I really get upset and angry when you say mean things to me.'"
"Yes, that is good," replies
Aunt Rose. "Be even more specific. Perhaps tomorrow you could say to Dianne: 'I
am really upset, because yesterday you said my yellow sweater made me look like
Daffy Duck and you made fun of my shoes. I wish you would not say mean things
to me anymore," Aunt Rose demonstrates.
"I should tell her exactly
what she did to upset me and ask her not to do it again?" asks Penny.
"Yes. It also helps to
add what will happen if the person does not stop being mean. You could say, 'If
you want to be my friend, you cannot keep saying mean things to me,'" suggests
Aunt Rose.
"Okay, Aunt Rose, I will
try it," Penny says and smiles.
Aunt Rose smiles, too.
"Now, Penny, let's see. What else made you angry today?"
"I forgot to bring my
math homework and I got a zero for the assignment. I also forgot to study for
a history quiz."
"How did you feel when
you forgot these things?" asks Aunt Rose.
"I felt stupid and angry,"
Penny says. "I should have remembered to put my homework in my bookbag this morning.
I should have remembered to study for the quiz."
"Bringing in your assignments
on time and getting good grades are important, Penny, but did anything really
awful happen because you forgot your homework? Did the earth blow up? Did the
sky fall down?" Aunt Rose laughs.
"No, the earth did not
blow up and the sky did not fall down," Penny says with a bigger laugh.
"Good," Aunt Rose says.
"Then you learned a valuable lesson. It is normal to make mistakes and forget
things once in awhile. The important thing is to figure out how to deal with mistakes
so they will not be repeated. Now what do you think you can do so you will not
forget your homework in the future?"
"Well, I can make sure
that I pack my bookbag at night, not in the morning."
"That is an excellent
idea, Penny. Another way to help you remember your homework is to keep a notebook
with your assignments written in it. Then you can check off each assignment as
you complete it. We can go out and buy a new notebook today."
Aunt Rose writes down
the suggestions in the correct column on the Anger Chart.
When things go wrong do
not let your anger grow and grow. No matter what the problem is, you can deal
with it. There is no problem so big that it cannot be worked out.
I hope the next time you
feel so angry you could scream that you will figure out what is wrong. Anger can
be a very important feeling, because it tells you something is bothering you.
Find an adult with whom you can share your angry thoughts and feelings. Together,
like Penny and Aunt Rose, you can complete the blank Anger Chart on the next page.
You can use the chart to figure out what bothers you and why. Then you can try
to find solutions. Once you do, take action and change those things that made
you angry, you will not be angry anymore, because you will have dealt with your
bad feelings in good ways. Like Penny, you will feel good about yourself.
