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Learn more about Julie Shields
"Their daughter is thriving. The marriage is convivial, and they have a weekly date every Saturday night. That's balance."
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A Life of Balance (How to Avoid the Mommy Trap Part 4)
By Julie Shields
Excerpt from How to Avoid the Mommy Trap. Read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. Check back over the next several weeks to read the final excerpt.
For a glimpse of a brave new world that works for all involved, consider this evening four blocks over from Lauren and George, at the Kings' house. Ann, a psychologist, finishes her long afternoon seeing clients at her home office. She walks upstairs. Her husband Mike, an architect, dresses their daughter Maggie for a visit to friends, an outing he has arranged.
Ann cooks the dinner, which the family eats together. The Kings talk about their day, basking in each other's company. After kissing her husband and daughter goodbye, Ann goes downstairs to her office to tidy up in preparation for her monthly book club. She prefers to entertain in the waiting room because it is clean and toy-free, and Mike is always working on a project or two in their living space upstairs.
Ann enjoys the evening immensely. She feels like everything has come together. Ann adores being a mom, loves her work, and continues to expand her intellectual horizons.
Mike knows he'll work in the morning, and play volleyball the next night. Maggie has had a good day with both her parents, having spent the morning with Ann and the afternoon and evening with Mike. Ann looks forward to her time with Maggie in the morning.
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"Ann adores being a mom, loves her work, and continues to expand her intellectual horizons."
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Both parents are keeping their careers alive. The Kings each work about thirty hours a week, including alternate Saturdays. Their daughter is thriving. The marriage is convivial, and they have a weekly date every Saturday night. That's balance.
The Kings have a lot less to say about their arrangement than their neighbors Mary Clayton and Lauren Martling, because it works. All the talking comes when things don't function well. Highly satisfied with her situation, Ann says
"I love my daughter and I love work. Sometimes, spending time with her seems like a vacation and sometimes work seems like a vacation. By dividing the day equally, my husband and I feel we have achieved the ideal balance. I have to have my time with my daughter and I have to work."
Lauren Martling and Mary Clayton will get to know Mike and Maggie King six months before they meet Ann King. When Ann becomes park-buddies with Lauren and Mary, Ann will never utter anything resembling a complaint about Mike, a unique quality. When other mothers mention they hardly have sexual relationships with their husbands anymore, Ann King will surprise them by mentioning her still strong and active lust for her husband.
Despite occasionally participating in activities of which few mothers would approve (like the six foot in the air infant toss), Maggie King will be no worse for the wear, and in fact, better. She will show exceptional curiosity, tolerance for novel experiences, and little fear. She'll also have a close relationship with the two most important people in her life. Affection will radiate to and from all three when they're together.
The Kings' example will send ripples throughout the neighborhood. Mary Clayton will pump Ann for information about how she and Mike King arrived at their arrangement, and how it works. To the disgust of fathers across town, mothers will invoke his name as an example of someone who does more than they do, of how their family's life could improve. Unlike her soon-to-be friends, Ann King did not fall into the Mommy Trap. Instead, she carefully created a situation that took everybody's needs into account and enabled her marriage to continue to grow closer.
If you are interested in learning how families can create more balanced arrangements, click here to purchase or read more of How to Avoid the Mommy Trap.
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