|
Bridging the
Generations and Building Bonds
by T. Berry Brazelton and Ann Brown
Also in this guide:
(T. Berry Brazelton)
Take your role seriously-you have a lot to give. With babies and toddlers, you
can be an additional source of love and care. For school-age children, you can
teach family values and history. You can inspire older children and adolescents
to want to grow up to be like you. To do that, you have to be a consistent presence
in their lives. If you can, offer to babysit regularly or when needed. That allows
you to lavish all your special attention on your grandchildren. At the same time,
you'll win the eternal gratitude of your children, who need downtime.
- In between visits, fill
in the gaps with a weekly phone call to the child at a pre-arranged time. Encourage
each child to share a "news" item with you, something only he or she can reveal.
That way a phone call becomes an event that everyone looks forward to.
- Videotapes are another
wonderful way of keeping up with your grandchildren's everyday experiences and
milestones. Of course, exchange letters or e-mail and ask for packages of drawings
and schoolwork. They give you insight into how they're developing and what interests
them. Your positive-feedback-praise helps to build self-esteem they'll need to
get along in the world.
- Read a story or conjure
up a fantasy for them on videotape. Let them hear it at bedtime. That way, they'll
remember you between visits.
- Your active participation
instills a sense of family and continuity that adds to your grandchildren's feeling
of belonging and security. You can magnify that by sharing your family history.
Children love stories about when their parents were young-the time Mommy fell
out of the apple tree and didn't break a bone, or when Daddy woke up at 3:00 in
the morning because he couldn't wait for his birthday presents.
- Holidays are another opportunity
to bring the family tradition to children and create memories that help make your
family close. Encourage everyone to celebrate them at your house. When that's
not possible, link up by phone and take time to talk about family beliefs and
rituals. Even when there is resistance about getting together, it is worth it.
They never forget rituals. We need values for our children and grandchildren,
and this is a way to perpetuate them.
(Ann Brown) For
those of us who live too far away, or are not able to babysit, there are lots
of other ways to stay close. Arrange for regular visits with your grandchildren
and have them visit you. See each grandchild separately if you can. The kind of
individual attention you give is key. My 14-year-old granddaughter, Lil, and I
love to go shopping together. Tommy, 9, comes down for a Dallas-Redskins game
with Grandpa. And Abigail, 11, loves to swim with me.
- Making rituals out of
meeting with your grandchildren, having things that you do only with them, makes
them feel unique. Besides, taking them to the zoo or to a special restaurant is
fun for you, too.
- One of the things I have
always loved doing with my grandchildren is taking them to the nearby playground.
It's a wonderful place for children to have fun and run off steam.
- But, as caretakers of
our grandchildren, even for an afternoon, we need to be careful. Most serious
injuries on playgrounds come from falls onto hard surfaces. In fact, grass is
one of the worst surfaces because it can become hard, packed dirt.
- Checking for playground
surfacing that "gives" is extremely important. Wood chips, mulch, sand, pea gravel,
or rubber matting are all good choices. After all, you want your time together
to be full of fun, not tears. Even today, I have scars on my knees from falls
on my old neighborhood playground.
- The constant contact with
your grandchildren teaches you how to really listen to them, to understand what
t hey mean to say, not just the words they use. There was a time I brought my
granddaughter Lil to my office for the annual "Take Our Daughters To Work Day."
I asked all the girls, "Who wears a bike helmet?" Almost all of them except Lil
raised their hands. I asked her why, and she said, "Gramma Ann, I look like a
dork." I figured if she felt that way, so must hundreds of others who would rather
go without protection than look unhip. A project we did with the Automobile Association
of America confirmed the fear. So we went to the bike helmet manufacturers who
redesigned them-put in bright colors and sparkle. Now my granddaughter tells me,
"You know, Gramma Ann, they're awesome."
- When we take our grandchildren's
words seriously and respect their opinions, they do let us know what's going on.
That strengthens the growing bonds between you and your grandchild.
Article by U.S. Consumer
Product Safety Commission
[ The
Wonder Years | Making it Work | First
Things First - Safety
Check Out Our Message
Boards | Back to Experts' Advice | Ask
A Question ]
|
