By Bruce H. Axelrod, M.D.

Overnight camps are a great way of helping children learn to separate and become independent. When a child comes home from overnight camp, he usually is bursting with self-confidence. Camps are good for other reasons, too, of course. They help develop new skills. They teach children to work with other adults and children. They provide rest and relaxation for parents as well as children. They give other siblings an opportunity to have some individual time with parents.

Camps come in all forms and sizes. Some are better than others, and not every camp is right for every child. The key is finding a good fit between a camp and your child.

How Old?

How old should a child be to go away to camp? Generally speaking, most people look at day camps for children younger than 9 or 10. To ease the transition between day camp and overnight camp, you might consider a camp that offers occasional "under nights," where a child stays at camp until after dinner and then goes home at bedtime. Most children are ready for overnight camp by age 10 or 11. Usually it’s best to start out with a day camp that has an occasional overnight stay, to help the child get used to the idea of sleeping away from home. By age 10 or 11 a child will usually be ready for a one-week camp. By age 12 they’re ready for three weeks or more.

Discuss with your partner the following questions:

• Why do we want to send our child to camp?
• What are our goals?
• What kind of camp do we want?

What Kind of Camp?

The kind of camp you choose really depends upon your own values and goals. Do you want a religious camp? Do you want a camp that is highly competitive? Or do you want a camp that works on building skills? Do you want a camp that is coed, or all the same sex? Do you want a rustic camp or one that offers more amenities? Would you prefer a camp that includes a lot of children from your area, or one that makes an effort to provide an opportunity to have new experiences with new children? Who runs the camp? A family or institution?

Also be sure to include your child when making these decisions. Ask her what kind of camp she'd like to go to, and what she hopes to get out of it.

Finding a Camp

Once you've answered these basic questions, start looking into various camps. Start by talking to people in the community. Talk to your pediatrician. If there are child psychiatrists or child psychologists in the community who give lectures or have telephone time, call and ask them which camps they've heard about that people seem to be happy with.

Accreditation, unfortunately, won't tell you much about a camp. The best way to find out what the camp is like is to go there. The summer before you send your child, contact the camp and talk to the camp director. Ask for some information about the camp, and then ask if you can visit while it’s in session.

During your visit, look at the physical facilities. Of course, brick and mortar alone don't make a camp; the people are far more important. However, I heard from a patient recently about a camp that had one toaster for sixty children; if you wanted toast in the morning you had to wait in line. So while a camp isn't a four-star hotel, the basic facilities should be adequate.

What are the qualifications of their counseling staff? What is the counseling ratio – ideally it should be about one counselor for four children. What kind of training is done for counselors? What is the turnover rate for counselors?

What kind of medical backup does the camp offer? Is there a camp nurse on premises? Is a doctor available for consultation? How safety-conscious does the camp seem to be? For example, do children wear helmets when they ride horses? Are life preservers required for canoeing and water skiing? Are children taught to use knives properly before they are allowed to carry them in camp?

What are the qualifications of their specialty counselors? What is the camp philosophy? What are the range of activities in the camp? What is the camp program? How much choice does a child get?

What is done to ensure that children who are less aggressive have access to popular activities? Does the camp make sure that all children participate equally, or are activities offered on a first-come, first-served basis?

What percentage of the campers are returnees? Do you know children who have gone to that camp? Are they children that you like and that your children would like?

Ask the camp director specific questions. How do they handle homesickness? How do they handle conflicts between children? Finally, look at the attitude of the director of the camp. How comfortable is he or she with your questions?

Dealing with Homesickness

Children often feel homesick during the first few days at camp, and unless it’s severe or prolonged, it doesn't mean you’re doing anything wrong. It’s entirely normal; in fact, it’s a sign of a good and nurturing home environment.

Some children, because of their temperament, will feel little, if any, homesickness. Others tend to be more anxious. If you’re concerned about how your child will adjust, here are some ways to ease the transition to camp:

• Write regularly — every few days or even daily. You can mail a letter or two before camp even starts, so your child will have mail waiting for him when he arrives. Make your letters upbeat and newsy: It’s okay to let your child know you miss him, but don't dwell on it. At the same time, don't make it sound like you’re having so much fun without him that he wonders what he’s missing.
• Alert the camp if your child has never been away before. If possible, try to spend a few minutes with the counselors and director on the first day to introduce your child. Let them know of his interests.
• Buy one or more paperback books that your child will enjoy and cut them apart. Send your child one chapter every few days.
• If your child’s letters home sound tearful and sad beyond the first week, resist the temptation to run up to the camp and rescue him. Call the camp director to discuss the situation. Express your concern without becoming accusatory. Ask for specifics about how your child is doing: Is he participating? Is he making friends? Do his counselors like him? Ask what can be done to make camp more positive for your child.

Generally a one- to two-week overnight experience is a good start for the first time. If your child really feels comfortable, extend the time your child spends away, depending on the camp program and your finances. Many children find it easier to go away to camp for the first time with a friend. Be certain to ask the camp to put them in the same cabin if possible. Finally, don't forget to be at camp on time to pick them up. Plan to have the whole day to be with him/her – so that they can share the experience with you. If you have some extra time, take a walk around the camp with your child before you leave. It will give them a chance to share stories with you, and enable you to have a better feeling about the places he has spent the last few weeks. Most of all, enjoy the growth and confidence your child has gained.

One last thought: Don't send clothing you really care about. Some of your child’s attire may be at the bottom of the lake, under the cabin, or in someone else’s trunk. Oh, well, there is always next year!