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Learn more about Marilyn LaCourt
"… Today, the message to our youth is don't take matters into your own hands…"
"Most aspire to protect the victims and either rehabilitate or punish the bullies."
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Why are our Teenagers so Violent?
By Marilyn LaCourt
There were no teenagers a hundred and fifty years ago. (Actually a short period of time in our history) A hundred and fifty years ago, our great-great grandparents were expected to take on adult responsibilities as early as twelve years of age. Girls were mothers and even homemakers at thirteen, boys worked the land, went off to sea, into the factories, or the coalmines.
I don't think the "good old days" were all that good. But understanding how it was back then can shed some light on our current bully problems. When our great-great grandparents were 'teenagers' self-reliance, mediating minor altercations without involving central authority, was the norm. Today, the message to our youth is don't take matters into your own hands, don't even think about retaliating a wrong on your own, go tell your teacher.
Teenagers are in limbo between
dependent kids and responsible adults.
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Our modern technological world requires a longer learning curve before our youth can be adequately prepared to deal with life as defined by the Silicon Valley and the big city. The result is the creation of a whole, relatively new, segment of society, teenagers. Teen-agers are people who are caught in kind of a Limbo, between being adults with all the freedoms and the responsibilities of citizens, and being dependent kids, whose primary responsibilities are to study their lessons, have fun, and follow the rules.
There are two less frequently cited theories to explain why our youth has become so violent; our children's prolonged adolescence and dependence on authority, and our system's failure to adequately promote cooperation.
There are many fine programs and interventions based on a multiplicity of theories that address the problem of bullying, and its shadow, the fear of violence that haunts our youth and hampers their learning. Most aspire to protect the victims and either rehabilitate or punish the bullies. Central authority, for the most part, has taken the burden of solutions upon itself.
Teenagers themselves may posses
the solution for bullying in schools.
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There can be no denying that bullying is a problem in our schools. Teenagers, however, may poses the natural resources for some solutions.
Teenagers, not quite adults, not quite kids, and not quite jaded by the reality that life is not quite fair, might have an important edge for keeping bullying in check, for keeping minor altercations from escalating into violence. Their natural, developmentally appropriate obsession with fairness might give them the edge. Give teenagers the opportunity, the skills, the encouragement to be self-reliant, and a culture that promotes and nurtures cooperation and they may be able to break the bully/victim cycle, at least in the simple context within which they live their everyday lives.
It's not that they don't need teachers, parents, counselors, and social workers. But our job is to teach them the skills with which to be self-reliant and to trust that their developmentally appropriate obsession with being fair is an asset.
Marilyn LaCourt, a former marriage and family therapist with twenty-five years of clinical experience is the director of Communication Programs, LLC. She is the originator of the "Live and Let Live" Bully Prevention Program, and the author of the novel "The Prize: a novel about bullies and victims and what drives them", published by American Book Publishing Group soon to be available for purchase at www.pdbookstore.com www.bulliesvictimandchoices.com and www.lacourt-m.com
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